Sega's ongoing effort to revive Crazy Taxi now appears to be taking t…

Crazy Taxi is a game all about speed—no time for any lore when the average time a passenger spends in your vehicle is under half a minute. I just need to know that you wanna go to the KFC, not why you're heading there in the first place. musojam.blog

Sega is somewhat trying to pump a narrative into its attempt at reviving the series, Crazy Taxi: World Tour—a game I'm not totally sold on yet based on a one-hour hands-on I had at Gamescom. I'm don't know how good a story you can get out of a bloke committing several traffic violations—though then again, you could argue that's every Fast and Furious movie ever—but Netflix clearly sees something in the zaniness as it's one of the many Sega projects the company has decided it wants to adapt.

As reported by Variety, in Crazy Taxi's case, it'll be taking the form of a comedy movie written by Dan Gregor and Doug Mand (responsible for Naked Gun's 2025 reboot). On the production side, it'll be handled by Original Films and Toru Nakahara—both of whom also produced all three Sonic the Hedgehog movies along with the Knuckles and Sonic Prime television shows.

"We couldn't be more excited to continue our longstanding relationship with Sega and bring Crazy Taxi to life with our partners at Netflix," a statement from Original Film's Neal H. Moritz and Toby Ascher read. "This film is for anyone who's spent hours behind the wheel of a yellow cab on their Dreamcast, with the music cranked up, smashing through everything in sight just to make the next fare."

Now I am one of those people, but I'm honestly a little unsure how you can get a full 90 minutes of action out of someone with a painfully 90s updo picking people up and dropping them off about 20 meters down the road. Movies have certainly conjured up more material with less, though, so who knows?

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That's not all Sega and Netflix has up its sleeve, either. It also has yet another animated Sonic television series in the works, along with a movie adaptation of Stranger Than Heaven. You know, that game that isn't even out yet.

I feel like we've been on a relatively decent hot streak for actual good videogame movie adaptations over the last few years, though I fear Netflix's penchant for turning absolutely anything into a straight-to-streaming romp may careen us right back into mediocre territory before long.

Let's skip the preamble: I am Mark Zuckerberg now. The original Mark Zuckerberg? Who cares? He's knocked out in a ditch somewhere. Whatever. He's the past; I am the future. Specifically, the future of Mark Zuckerberg, who I am.

The latest mod I have installed into my increasingly uncontrollable build of Grand Theft Auto 5 is LifeInvader Business Mod, which grants you the ability to buy Rockstar's thinly veiled (which is to say, not veiled at all) parody of Facebook for the cool sum of a million bucks. I did not actually have a million bucks, but one of the 46,000 other mods I have installed let me grant myself that amount at the office's front door. In real life, this is called quantitative easing.

The mod is actually quite robust. It's not just a matter of buying the website and letting passive income roll in. You get a whole new menu through which you can staff up—acquiring devs of varying levels of talent—expand your server capacity, and even hire security to keep the hoi polloi away. You can donate to charity to buff your business' reputation, and have to keep an eye on staff morale.

Staff morale, by the way, is largely unimpacted by the flying car which has careened through the second floor window and begun gyrating around the server racks, gathering a pursuing swarm of monitors and wastepaper baskets behind it like a Saab pied piper. Nor do they mind, particularly, when armed men burst in and try to shoot their CEO, and they are equally unfazed when that CEO uses his laser vision to turn those men to hot slag.

Actually, while all this was ongoing, the mod kept serving me notifications: staff morale was at a steady 100% because the boss had showed up in the office, which is both appreciated and also not my experience of what happens when the boss shows up in the office. But Facebo—sorry, LifeInvader's developers are made of a different, hardier stock. It's a privilege to own them.